April 27th, 2009 
admin I need advice. How do you handle people who purposely antagonize you? I am trying very hard to remain stable but certain people seem to enjoy provoking me. It’s a difficult task and the added stress makes it even harder.
My spouse is insistent that I take certain steps to keep my symptoms under control. I’ll be the first one to tell you that it is really hard living with bipolar disorder but I know it is just as difficult for my husband. I have to stay in therapy and stay on top of my symptoms so I can alert my doctors in case I need an adjustment in dose or a change in medication.
I have always been known for being mouthy. I am brutally honest and I don’t sugar coat anything. I used to tell people that there are no brakes between my brain and my mouth. If I think, I’ll say it. Now I take the time to think about what I am saying and that is no easy feat. I am sincerely putting forth a great deal of effort.
Normally I would avoid people who try to get me riled up because I know I have issues with anger management and it just isn’t worth the trouble of trying to be nice when someone won’t let you. However, this is a case where I can’t do that and it is causing me quite a bit of grief.
My mother-in-law seems to derive great pleasure from stirring me up. It is almost as if she gets great satisfaction from making me be an ass. I will admit that it doesn’t take a lot to do that, but hey, I am trying. The problem is that I cannot avoid her altogether and my husband refuses to see that she provokes me. I will be on my best behavior and she will intentionally start discussing a topic that she knows pushes my buttons. She will go on and on until I must state my opinion and my opinion is never popular because I tell it like it is and I tend to have a greater understanding of the issue than she does. She can’t prove me wrong but she tries really hard and typically ends up shutting up after she has already got me started on a rant. Then she is smug because she has made me, once again, show my ass and made my husband think I am the bad guy.
My husband says that I am just too sensitive and I need to learn to let things go. I can let things go but not when someone goes on and on about something that they know I have a strong opinion about. There are a lot of times where I will step outside to get away from her and cool down. I do this at least three times during every visit. I have pointed that out to my husband to show him that I am making an effort. I have explained to him that it is impossible for to me to keep walking away when she intentionally starts in on something to make me mad.
Of course this causes a lot of trouble between my husband and I and I really believe that she enjoys that. I have not had to see her since February. (They live over an hour away.) The mere mention of visiting makes me cringe because I know what will happen. My husband always blames me. (I guess it is easy to blame the girl with bipolar disorder for everything.) I get upset about it and try to explain it to him but he always insists that it is just me. I am not imagining this. She really does try to provoke me. I really think it would help if he spoke to her about this rather than always blaming me, but again he always thinks it is my fault.
My objections to this issue are always met with, “That’s my family.” Well, guess what? I am your family, too. Why should I have to be subjected to this over and over again? All I want is for him to see what is really going on.
What should I do? I am really at a loss.
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first – I am so happy to come accross your blog! To realise that I am not the only one glued to a recliner with a security blanket at times when I can’t get out of the house is sooooo liberating!! Relief!!!!
As for people who try to draw you in, or antagonize you… practice in the mirror ahead of time.. remember, it’s a game, and you have more on your side than any one else, ‘cos you are so many sides of you all rolled up into one package – you just have to access the right one.. Mona Lisa wasn’t smiling – she was pissed! but she was winning the game! picture her while you call your M in Law to the table “wow, that was rude” or “what a hurtful thing to say!” or if you want to buy time.. “why do you want to know?” (said behind a sweet smile of course). The trick is in the practice – they already think you’re nuts, play with it and have some fun – if it doesn’t go well, you can blame it on a med shift, if it goes well – woo hoo!! let me know. Good Luck!
I think that Sue’s comment is horrible. I think that it isn’t a game and that is the problem with the comment. People are not to be treated condescendingly because you don’t like what they say and using medication as an excuse lack integrity. I think that you have to take responsibility for your actions, feelings, and behavior. Medications alone won’t make it better. Just like any other disease if you want a life of health you have to fight hard for yourself to accomplish this. Exercise, therapy, healthy diet. I think you need to learn to roll with life and realize people can see through someone not meaning what they say and faking it with a smile.
*Please note that this post is almost three years old.*
The posts on this blog were made so I could work through my biggest issues. I have been stable for close to two years at this time. Medication is not a “fix-all”, but you can’t will yourself well when you’re experiencing a full-blown episode and often medication must be used so you can reach a point where you are capable of working through issues in this manner. This blog was my therapy. All posts are open and honest accounts of my thoughts, just as anyone else would disclose to a therapist in private. I simply chose to make my struggle public so others could learn from it and know they aren’t alone. I analyzed my own issues, and this is what worked for me.
I couldn’t begin to tell you how many people have treated me condescendingly since I was diagnosed simply because they wanted to make me look like the bad guy – the bipolar girl. Many of those were family and friends who wanted to anger me just so they could ridicule me. It’s not always the person who has bipolar disorder that is the problem, but they are the easiest scapegoat for everyone else. My biggest step towards wellness was recognizing this and separating myself from those people. Sadly, I am very perceptive and it took others much longer to “see through” certain people than it took me, and since I was just “the bipolar girl” people refused to believe me. It hurt, and I lashed out in anger at many of them and they were very pleased. This is one of several posts that I made to explore my issues with anger caused by certain people in order to find an effective solution.