I was reminded of psychosis this weekend and it frightened me beyond belief. Have you seen the movie The Eye with Jessica Alba? If you have and you have experienced psychosis, then you understand what I am talking about. If not, then this movie should give you a good idea of what it is like.
Seeing shadow people is a very common symptom of psychosis. This movie showed so many of the shadow-like figures that it was really hard to watch. For those of you who haven’t experienced it, this is about as close as you can get to seeing what it is like without actually experiencing it.
When she first started seeing the scenery change around her, I cringed because I have experienced it. Conversations with people who aren’t there, things that scare you to death, believing that you can see things before they happen—I have experienced all of that.
Of course, the plot of this movie is that she was supposedly shown these visions to understand what she was supposed to do and, in a sense, it was real and not imagined. During a psychotic episode, you honestly believe it is real and later understand that it isn’t. It’s the ultimate betrayal of the mind.
I have to say that I really didn’t want to watch this movie after seeing her first hallucinations. It shook me to the core. It was like reliving periods of my life that I hoped to never experience again. I was terrified at times, but not because the movie was scary. It was because it was so close to reality for me. There were a few things that I couldn’t watch at all.
By the time it was over, I was so frightened that I couldn’t go to sleep right away. I read several chapters of the book I am reading to help put it out of my mind. This is something that I don’t ever want to experience again. Unfortunately, it was already in my head and I was very edgy the next day and snapped almost every time I was spoken to. It was a very long day.
Psychosis isn’t always scary. I have had some experiences that were rather pleasant, some that were mildly annoying and others that were terrifying. I have been driving down the road and actually seen myself pulling out in front of an oncoming car and hitting it head on. I could feel the car crushing me on impact as the steering wheel was pushed into my chest so hard that it knocked the wind out of me. At that point, I snapped out of it and realized I was still in my lane. I didn’t drive at all for some time after that.
One of the scariest experiences was hearing my father’s voice urging me to commit suicide. I heard it for hours and it was very real to me. I finally ended up with a box blade in my hand and I cut my arm. It was then that I went to a mental hospital for assessment. Surprisingly, they didn’t admit me. My regular doctor was furious that they didn’t.
To sum it up, if you have ever experienced psychosis be aware that this movie may be all too realistic to you. If you haven’t experienced it, this is about as close as you will get to understanding it. I will never watch the movie again. I just can’t handle it.
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May 11th, 2009
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