June 30th, 2009 
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When you have bipolar disorder, anger is an emotion that is very easy to give in to. It tends to be the most common emotion and it’s usually what most emotions end up being displayed as. For me, it’s the easiest emotion to deal with. This might be because I don’t “deal” with anger; I “experience” it.
Anger allows you to deflect your own emotions and convey it to someone else. Let me explain. When you are angry, you take it out on someone else. It relieves your own tension and allows you to see another person as the cause of the problem rather than dealing with the real issue and your own true emotions. You “fool” yourself into believing that you don’t have a problem. You believe others really are the problem. It’s a coping mechanism.
For those of you who have friends and family who have bipolar disorder, this may help to explain angry outbursts. Just because they seem to be angry with you does not mean that they truly are. It could be something that isn’t related to you at all and yet you may feel the brunt of it simply because you are near. The person may indeed be angry but they could also be sad, hurt, overwhelmed, tired, or confused. Sometimes it may be helpful to step back and try to identify the root of the problem and possibly find ways to resolve the issue together. Knowing that the person is not really upset with you may help to soften the blow a bit and may help you to better understand their actions.
(Warning: Do not attempt to rationalize with someone who is enraged or becoming violent. Remove yourself from the situation and allow the person to calm down.)
At the moment, anger is my biggest issue. Quite often, this is the case. I am starting to see it as a red flag. When it gets out of control, it means I am covering up other emotions. I am now at that point. I know what I am trying to cover up. Depression is starting to set in and this is how I fight it off. Eventually, it will consume me if I don’t deal with it.
However, there are real issues that I am angry about right now and if you add this to the other emotions being displayed as anger then it seems I am angry all of the time. I realize that lately my blog has been more personal than informative and I have been trying hard to provide more information but at the same time I must vent my frustrations in an attempt to work through some issues and decrease my anger. Please forgive me and bear with me.
I really hate to discuss personal matters involving other people but it is something that I must let go of in order to rid myself of the anger resulting from the situation. I apologize in advance to those involved that may be angered by this, but you are better equipped to deal with the anger than I am. I have to let go of some things before it drags me down to a point that is hard to get back from.
A family member was injured by a boyfriend. They were arguing and she ran outside and refused to come back in the apartment. He drug her back in–literally drug her, leaving large scrapes across her back and hips and behind one ear. The wounds are large and were weeping. They soaked through gauze bandages on her back and through her clothing.
Some of you will remember me mentioning that I was married to an abusive man once. I also said that a man made me remember all of this the other day and sent me into a blind rage where I tried to attack him with a club. Maybe I am just nearing a psychotic break and I think I may be a bit psychic, but I now think it was a sign of things to come. (Either way, I am going to need some medication changes before I hurt someone or myself or both. It’s on my to-do list.)
I am enraged in a way that I don’t know how to handle. I found out this morning that she is going back to him tomorrow. She told him if it happened again that it would be over. Seriously? You think this will be the last time? The only thing you did was show him that he can do that to you without consequence. He also thinks your family will let it go and no one will do anything about it. Not me. I am not the one. (A personal note to the victim: Seek counseling immediately. You desperately need it.)
How enraged am I? You know who you are. I know where you are. It is in your best interest to avoid me for eternity. Just thinking about this and typing it all out has me so angry that I am shaking. Family gatherings are things you need to avoid from this day forward because I will be there and I will be waiting and watching for you. I’m not the only one and we are not afraid of assault charges. I will happily pay the fine and make sure I get my money’s worth. You’ve been warned. I cannot look at you without causing you bodily harm.
With that, I am off to contemplate calling my doctor for an increase in dosage, asking my hubby for permission to take half of a Xanax to calm down, and scheduling more counseling once the kids are back in school. I need it. Reading back over this, I recognize that I am in a very bad place and I have to start working to climb back up before I hit bottom again.
I realize that all of this sounds horrific but I am trying to honestly discuss my innermost feelings to keep from acting on them. (By acting on them, I mean beyond the inevitable smacking him around.) These are the deep, dark feelings that many of us hide in our minds and never discuss with anyone. I have to get them out. This is just one of many things bothering me but it is the most disturbing one. It has stirred up more rage than anything I have ever experienced and I am trying to find ways to work through it. Venting it openly and honestly was a first step. Now I am looking for step two. Any suggestions?
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My husband is bipolar, but thinks he thinks that he isn’t. His son is definitely bipolar; his brother was bipolar and committed suicide, and my husband doesn’t think that he has a problem. A psychologist friend told me that he is, in fact, bipolar years ago after spending a week with us. He sees a psychiatrist that gives him prozac, but it doesn’t help at all…
I am slightly hard-of-hearing and sometimes do not catch everything he says…he is a retired boss from a very large company, and expects me to respond immediately to his orders (they are not requests; they are orders!) Today we had such an incident of this type; and, of course, he called me stupid, spacey, etc. and left in a huff….The last few days I have known that he wanted to hurt me physically, but he hasn’t…about a year ago, he bruised my arm and my back, but didn’t hit me….
I am not certain about what to do….he will not accompany me to see my psychiatrist. I take Lexapro, and it helps; but he seems to be getting worse than ever…
He just returned from a week trip abroad and sent me 5 or 6 emails telling me how much he loved me; however, now that he is home I am “stupid” again and cannot do anything right.
Any suggestions…this must remain confidential. I don’t know what would happen if he saw this. Thank you.
First, I want to say I am very sorry you are dealing with this. If you need to talk further, please feel free to email me at support@allaboutbipolar.com. Prozac is not the right medication for someone with bipolar disorder. In fact, antidepressants are known to induce mania and can make the problem worse. A mood stabilizer is a must – the antidepressant should stop.
Unfortunately, you can’t make him get help. I can tell you what my husband did that forced me to wake up and take action. He told me he was leaving. Even went and looked at a place to rent. I fell to pieces and realized I had to act or my marriage was over. I sought help. I went to counseling until I was stabilized and to this day I take my meds exactly as prescribed and see my doctor regularly. It took a large dose of reality to make me realize that I had to do something, and for some people that is just what it takes. In cases where a person doesn’t respond to pleas for help, and where another person is fearful of the consequences, I recommend this type of drastic action. In this situation, it seems to be a matter of personal safety. If he refuses to do something to help himself, then you must do something to protect yourself.
Again, I am very sorry you are dealing with this. If you need to talk, email me at support@allaboutbipolar.com. As always, all conversations are strictly confidential and that’s why I altered the post to remove your name.
Treatment seeks to reduce the feelings of mania and depression associated with the disorder, and restore balance to the person’s mood. On average, someone with bipolar disorder may have up to three years of normal mood between episodes of mania or depression. Thanks for sharing.
Regards,
Paradise Valley Homes
hi..
my husband was recently diagnosed as bipolar this year and he has real anger problems thank you for the article it has given me some insight on why i am always on the recieving end of his outbursts.
He is on lamictal but he is not getting better probably because he is not on the right dose.I had to leave him because he was physically abusing me infront of my 2year old daughter.
Back here where i am from bipolar treatment is not so advanced in terms of psychotherapy and drugs, currently the doctor whose treating my husband is not the best but i figure its better than nothing.I am hoping when my financial situation allows i will be able to find a very good doctor who will put him on the right meds.
Though he was diagnosed as bipolar at the start of the year it is only this month after we separated that i realised how seriously affected by the disorder he was.I was in denial because i thought he was a bad person looking for an excuse to beat me,mistreat me and get away with other behaviours i thought were inappropriate or just plain rude even to his colleagues.
He is an over achiever because he is mostly in manic phase and it has gotten him places but recently his mania is turning destructive for instance we are in tonnes of debt because of his grandiose plans..and he quit a very good job to follow his “dream”. He has thousands of get rich quick schemes and writes tonnes of proposals some which i doubt he has the ability to follow through.
He has attempted suicide and still continues to have suicidal ideations, his attempt was before we knew he was bipolar and i thought he was just trying to manipulate me or hurt me of course now i know better because i have read widely about bipolar on the internet and continue to learn new things about bipolar everyday.
I have suffered abuse from him so i decided to stay away for the safety of me and my daughter until he realises his meds are not working that the dose needs to be adjusted or combined. Right now he is not talking to me because he thinks am against him especially because i suggested his meds are not working. I love Him and i hope our marriage will survive through all this.
barbra,
Nairobi,Kenya.
I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this. It does sound like he needs a different dose or even a new medication. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right one and the right dose.I think at this point, leaving him was certainly the right thing to do. Sometimes this pushes people to seek help in order to keep their family together. Maybe he will decide to go back to his doctor and talk about treatment options. If you need to talk to someone, you can email me at support@allaboutbipolar.com.
Hello,
I found your website while doing a search on “anger & bipolar”. I am 40 & recently diagnosed bipolar. I have alot of anger issues & they seem to be getting worse. I just hate having no control-its very frustrating! I have noticed the “anger & easily enraged thing” for the past 6–7 years. I did research and noticed it was at its worse about 1 to 2 weeks before my period and would go away almost immediately after I would start. It sounded like PMDD-pre menstrual dysphoric disorder. So prozac 40 mg would help that. But years of the Prozac alone (I think) pushed my bipolar out.
My Doc now has me on Prozac 20mg & Lithium 450mg bid. I am due to start my period in a few days and want to kill people. What do you think-PMDD,Bipolar, both??!!
This is all so new to me and I just want some more insight on this anger thing.
Thanks for listening
Jennifer
It’s possibly a combination of both. I’d ask your doctor about the Prozac. Antidepressants often induce manic episodes and cause the anger and aggression to be worse. It might ease up if he takes you off of it, but you will probably need to taper off. Taking antidepressants DID bring out manic episodes for me and that is how I was properly diagnosed. If things don’t get better in a month after stopping the Prozac, ask about a different med in place of the lithium. Hope this helps!
Thanks for responding
I am still having anger/irritability issues and I’m 1 week post period…so I think it may be more of a med issue now. I have a f/u w/ psych in 1 1/2 weeks. Thank you for your website! It has helped me immensely already 
Lithium makes me very fat. Is there no herbal medication.
I om 425mg lithium and 400mg seroquel twice a day.
Feel very good and only going in manic episode. But get fat. Always on diet and exercising.
Regards
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your threats are unacceptable regardless of the situation. i came to your blog looking for a bit of support and i left feeling upset.
***Please note this post was made in 2009***
Apparently you have never experienced this severity of anger, and I hope you never do. However, many of us have experienced rage at some point. I will not apologize for being vocal and honest about some of the issues I have dealt with over the years. Most readers have experienced this at some point and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Learning to work through anger is an important issue, and these are the types of thoughts that most people keep to themselves and never speak of because they are ashamed of these thoughts. My point was to show that it’s okay to feel anger, and, if it’s any comfort to you, I never hurt the guy and simply posting it helped me release my anger as soon as I hit “Publish”. It’s okay to be angry, but we must find a way to control it and that’s exactly what I did. These posts were my therapy. It’s the same for me as it is for many to speak to a therapist. The difference? The things you tell your therapist that you’d never tell another living soul and never want anyone else to know – I post them for the world to see so others know that it’s okay, and they’re not alone in what they’re dealing with. I worked through these things, and I no longer experience this type of blind rage.
Oh, and my family member was never abused by this man again. I hope you never have to deal with the anger caused by the physical abuse of a loved one. Again, I am unapologetic for this post as it has been helpful to many to see that it’s okay to be angry, but you must learn to control how you react to anger. Whatever issue you were seeking support for, feel free to email me, Amy, personally at support@allaboutbipolar.com. I am always happy to help.
Please help I’m very confused!!!!!! I have a partner that is in the middle of a diagnoses. The initial diagnoses was just depression and was put onto an antidepressant. But the mood swings got worse so I encouraged him to go back to the doctor, and then he thought bipola, so put him on mood medication as well. We have been referred to a psychiatrist and now they say it could be personality disorder. But the mood swings were never violent before but they are getting worse and more frequent! From what I have been reading, the antidepressant is most likely the cause if he is bipola, but essentially they are keeping him on both meds to play it safe as far as I can see.
My friends and family are saying leave him because he did get violent. But just like you said in your blog when he is angry he is totally irrational you cant talk to him, everything I do is wrong and when I try to explain it makes him rage even more. I feel that I should stand by him, not abandon him like my friends say, but I’m wondering if there is the potential for a lot worse things to happen. Should I fear for my safety? Could he snap and do something irreversable?
I want him off the antidepressant but the doctors haven’t advised what he has. I believe it’s bipola purely from how he has reacted to medication. He is desperate for answers and so am I. What do you suggest. Please help.
Antidepressants can bring on a manic episode, and it certainly sounds like it may be bipolar disorder. Doctors are often very quick to diagnose and treat depression, but a diagnosis of bipolar disorder can take years. If the antidepressants aren’t helping and seems to make matters worse, he should be taken off of them regardless of what he is diagnosed with.
Anger is a big issue, and if he has hurt you physically you should leave for your own safety. Anger is anger….and it doesn’t really matter if it’s related to bipolar disorder or not. If a person shows signs of aggression with anger, it should always be taken seriously. If he is aggressive, you should leave.
If you need to talk, feel free to email me at support@allaboutbipolar.com.