It appears that I will not be skipping my normal first of the year crash. My sanity is slipping and I’m not sure how long I will be able to hold on to it.

It started with the voices but they have disappeared. I think they might be comforting at this point but they are gone. I moved on to seeing shadow people and things have continued to go downhill from there.

I’m craving silence, but there isn’t any. Even when all is quiet there is noise. I only slept three hours last night because it was too loud to sleep. There was a loud beating sound, an annoying humming sound and someone screaming. That doesn’t include the light show.

Then there are the visions. They’re horrible visions of mutilated bodies. The worst one involves one of my children and each time it happens the pain is so great that I have the urge to bang my head against anything until it’s gone from my mind.

I just want it to stop. I want it to go away. I just want all of this out of my head. I’m trying to stay busy and drown it all out. I’m okay as long as I am busy but at night…oh the nights are horrible.

For the time being, I am going to stay as busy as I can. I am going to keep working as much as I can until I crash completely. I am not ignoring anyone. I am not avoiding anyone. For now, I just have to stay busy.

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