Am I alive?

June 22nd, 2010

admin

I’m not so sure. I am pretty sure I exist but I can’t swear. That’s how disconnected I am.

I have tried my best to work today. It’s impossible. I am self-employed so I can take off as long as I want. Of course, I don’t make any money when I don’t work. I can afford it financially but I’m not sure my self-esteem can. Regardless, I am stuck at the moment. There is no way I can write like this.

So, what’s up with my withdrawals? My eyes itch so bad that I feel like clawing them out. Drinking tea makes me want to throw up so I have decided not to try eating. Cigarettes? I can’t taste them but I can’t put them down. They add to my nauseousness but comfort me at the same time. Does that even make sense? If I blink just a bit much, I feel like I am going to fall into a coma. I can’t close my eyes because I have a hard time opening them up again.

Right this minute, I am struggling with horrible nausea. This is ridiculous.