Well, I decided not to take the lamictal any more and it is now day…well, let me think about this. I don’t even know what day it is. How in the world am I going to work like this?

My hands feel tingly and my body is numb. I am disconnected from myself. It’s impossible to connect with the world right now. I’m not sure how I managed to make it this far without flipping out. Wait. I can. My family has been absolutely wonderful taking care of me since I stopped taking the meds. Today is my first day home from vacation and I’m pretty much on my own.

I should have went to see my doctor today but I don’t think it’s safe for me to drive on my own. I drove a bit yesterday and I felt like a drunk driver. It feels like being drunk. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like feeling out of control. Why in the world do people want to feel like this? I don’t. I would just like to be able to feel my hands. I can see myself pecking at the keys on the keyboard but I don’t feel it. It’s weird and I don’t like it.

I was amazed at how easy withdrawals was while I was on vacation. It wasn’t really. My family kept me distracted and took care of me. I know that now because I am dealing with it all by myself today. My husband asked me if I thought I could manage without meds. I’m not willing to try it. I am just waiting until I feel like I can drive myself.

I lost my train of thought again. I am trying really hard to focus but I am not capable of intense focus. Can I write today? I can’t put together two sentences. My train of thought keeps jumping the tracks. Parts of my body feel weightless, while others feel so heavy. I feel like my brain is surrounded by electricity.

I am wrestling with my other selves today. I am listening to Flyleaf’s “I’m So Sick”. It’s appropriate today as my other personalities are trying to rear themselves. It might not be so bad considering I’m not really here. One of us should be. As of this minute, none of us are here but we’re all trying to be. Geez, this is going to be a long day.

Forgive my mindless ramblings. As always, I’m trying to share and document my experiences.

Related posts:

1. Lamictal rash?

2. Take that, voices!
3. Lamictal Withdrawals
4. All About Bipolar: My trip to the doctor