It wasn’t until several months after my husband’s suicide and several years after his diagnosis with bipolar that I saw it. I was reading Frederick Buechner’s memoir, The Sacred Journey and had somewhat of an epiphany.

Buechner was describing his life as a child and recounted the many times his family moved because his father, who later took his own life, was prone to changing jobs. I closed the book recognizing the pattern and did the math. Eleven times – eleven times in 32 years of marriage, more than once every three years… That is the number of times we moved. To be fair, not all were related to Steve’s angst over his job, but enough were that I immediately identified with Buechner’s conformity to life with a loved one who deals with bipolar.

It wasn’t until 18 months before his death that my husband was diagnosed. A gentle giant of a man with a generous heart and kind spirit, our only clues to his Bipolar NOS were his random outbursts of anger and a subtle melancholy even when all was going well. It wasn’t until his first suicide attempt that the professionals finally identified that elusive thing we had all been trying to grasp for years. Unfortunately for our family it was too late.

By the time of my husband’s death he was in a support group with those struggling with suicidal ideation, from bipolar, addiction or both. I felt compelled to share that my husband’s illness and the way that he died didn’t define his life.

If you are struggling with bipolar I want to encourage you. Having lived my husband through ECTs and endless medication changes, my observation is that it isn’t easy being in your shoes. I admire your courage. When a cancer survivor does a 10K, the crowd cheers and the media explode with accolades. When you triumph over your illness, there is no crowd; sometimes there is no one at all. I am truly sorry.

In the aftermath of my husband’s death I have had the opportunity to meet with other families who live with bipolar and/or who live in the aftermath of a loved one’s suicide. I have started a blog to come along side these families in their personal journeys, and if this can be a help to you or your family members I’d love to invite them to grow along with me. As supporters there is much we need to learn. And although we might not wake up in the morning with racing thoughts, or keep a cosmetic bag full of meds, we are in the fight with you.

On behalf of all the families who live with a family member who has bipolar, please know that we love you and we beg you to hang in there and fight the good fight. My heart’s desire is that no one should ever know the heartbreak of being widowed or orphaned because of untreated bipolar.

Standing with you in your fight,
LC Price
inthesamehouse.com

**If you would like more information about bipolar disorder, please visit http://www.allaboutbipolar.com/types-of-bipolar/

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