I was diagnosed 4 years ago. However I fought against it and tried another job, insisting I could beat it with medication! I was wrong. I have been out of work for over 3 years and no one will keep me on staff. So I started my Social Security application. I am up to the hearing phase which is still 5 months off. They turned me down saying they think I need a simple job with little stress. So I resubmitted it and they said they were correct the first time.

Now with the hearing coming up I still wonder why they think my disability is stupidity. I’ve even had other bipolar people tell me they are sure a combination will be found that “works” for me because they have. Mine fluctuates. I am so many things to so many people! I am a wife, mother, designated payee for my autistic son who does not understand the concept of money management, employment seeker, house keeper and animal care giver when my husband is out of state 5 days a week. So I must have no stress because I’m jobless!

I can’t believe how much this condition fluctuates. We’ve increased my medication many times. Recently I sunk into a deep depression within 48 hours for no reason what so ever. I am not prone to much depression so it surprised me and I didn’t recognize it until it was almost too late! Just as the suicidal thoughts began I call my doctor. Within the day and with my doctor out of the office I had 30, 10mg Fluozetine tablets in my hand with one refill. My instructions were to call as soon as I started feeling better. 7 days later I called and unlike my doctor she personally called me back 10 minutes later. She told me to stop taking them and to put the bottle in the back of my medicine drawer.

This is no game but, we are still called lazy whiners. This is where the suicide numbers come from. We are just nervous wrecks who feel sorry for ourselves for no reason. We live an easy and sheltered life with no responsibilities because we don’t want them. Our parents and spouse must shelter us because we can’t handle responsibility.  Only if everyone understood.

cqui

***Cqui, thanks so much for sharing your story!

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